For all the other "yes" people out there - review of The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst

I decided to commit to the September self care theme and want to share a review of one of my top 10 self care books. I will fess up.  I am a total "yes" person.  "Yes" is my answer, even in situations where just thought of committing to whatever is being asked of me stresses me out but yet, that "yes" still finds it's way out of my mouth full force. It's like I have no control, no filter, "yes" just happens.  This book drew my attention as I realize there are only so many things I can say yes to without short-changing everything (including myself) by committing to too much. I just haven't found a way to make myself accept that "no" actually is acceptable.  This is a wonderful Christian novel full of practical strategies to help me find the time and place to say "no."

This right here. Terkeurst states, "Yes and No. The two most powerful words."  I have never thought of it this way.  I have actually never thought about the power my words exude, both over me and over others.  The decision making framework she provides is helps you navigate how/when to use yes and no effectively.  My takeaway is to ask myself, is this going to cause me stress that gets in my way of fully present in a loving manner?  Whether that be fully present for myself, my family, my other commitments, etc.

Terkeurst also asks, what are your dreams?  What brings you passion, that little bit of fire in your step?  What dreams have you pushed aside, seeing them as unrealistic or even more so, unimportant?  For me, this blog is one of those things.  I still question if it's important, if it's worth it - do people read it?  I hope so.  Regardless, this is something that has become important to me.  I've found I like sharing my thoughts.  I've tried to add a little positivity into each post as well.   Maybe this is my purpose - bring kindness and positivity to those around me.  I want to be a light, a bright spot for others. As I read, I also got a little reassurance that what we may call "the grind" of everyday life is actually a blessing.  Ordinary is okay.  Boring is okay.  There's so much to appreciate in our everyday life.  This right here - this is completely me.  

So now it's time to get real.  Maybe I should tell you about a recent time I said no to something.  I was offered a pretty amazing opportunity.   I really wanted to say yes. There were so many reasons to say yes.  I felt that saying yes would put me in a network of some awesomely positive people, opportunities for growth and a chance to continue my mission of being that light to others. However, I had this gut feeling that yes just wasn't the right answer.  I felt that saying yes might cause some other compromises that just wouldn't fit for me or my family and might negatively impact my financial situation.  So, I said no.  And let me tell you, I've struggled with this no since then.  I felt like I was disappointing others and questioned did I do the right thing?  Had I known Terkeurst's strategies, I think I would have been more confident in my response.  I would have realized that no was acceptable.  I would have gotten reassurance that I delivered the no appropriately, expressing my gratitude for being offered this opportunity and explaining the reasons that it just wasn't the right time and situation for me.   

Another part of this book sang true to my heart, my brain, my everything.  I actually had to put the book down, open by laptop and begin jotting down these thoughts because it was that much on point with how I operate.  Terkeurst was advising to think through all the responsibilities and expectations that would come with deciding yes to a commitment to help decide if something was a "best yes." I have a task on my plate right now that, as I read, I found myself trying to remember if tnihere was an actual discussion of tasks and responsibilities before I said yes.  I'm pretty sure not.  I think I just agreed, realizing later on that it was actually a lot more involved and time consuming than I imagined.  Let me list Terkeurst's guidelines and write my answers in regards to this particular situation.

• "It feels thrilling to say yes to this now. But how will this yes feel two weeks, two months, and six months from now?"  (my response  - pretty overwhelming and exhausting I fear)
• "Do any of the expectations from this feel forced or frantic?" (my response - yes, most of them feel frantic, even chaotic)
• "Could any part of this yes be tied to people pleasing and allowing that desire to skew my judgment of what's realistic and unrealistic?"  (my response - yes, absolutely and positively yes)
• "Which wise (older, grounded in God's Word, more experienced, and more mature) people in my life think this is a good idea?"  (my response - I think I have several people that I could list that are appreciative I'm doing this but maybe wouldn't volunteer themselves as they recognize the overload it could cause or would have given me some great questions to ask before committing)
• "Are there any facts I try to avoid or hide when discussing this with my wise advisors?"  (my answer - no; however, I find myself having quite a negative attitude when discussing my task, and referring back to earlier points that Terkeurst made, maybe my negative attitude means that I'm not able to be fully present in a loving way right now)

So, had I had this decision making framework at the time I was faced with this decision, I likely would have made a different choice. I appreciate that the author provides concrete questions, steps and processes that we can initiate to help figure out if something deserves to be a yes.

I'm also planning to use Terkeurst's words as my new mantra - "My time. My choice."  This reminds me that I don't automatically have to say yes. I need to think through how this fits with my goals, my values - how important something really is to me.  Is it really worth spending my time on? What else may be pushed aside or sacrificed if I commit to this?  And along with this, Terkeurst says, "Your time.  Your choice."  We are individuals and I pledge not to judge you and your choices just as I ask that you not judge me and my choices.  I don't know your story, your values, the choices you've made or why you've made them.  But I value you, and therefore, I value your choice. 

Pick up a copy of this book to learn some easy strategies that you can start using right away.  Click below to purchase The Best Yes from Amazon, along with another fabulous book written by Terkeurst, Uninvited, for those moments when we've felt rejected or that we don't quite fit in.  I am an Amazon affiliate associate and may earn a small amount with any purchase.  Thank you!